Rucker's Hill

cola war

cola war
or
I love pepsi, I really love pepsi, no seriously, I really do

I was drinking pepsi,
he was drinking coke,
he told me coke was the real thing,
I told him that’s a lie,
I broke my skateboard over his head,
and later on in hospital, he died…
now I say,
if they want to call it a war,
then let the war be fought in earnest.

© 1999.

Curious Boy

I’m a curious boy.
I’ve always been told.
I like doing things, just to see what will happen.
Lately I’ve been standing on the nature strip outside my house a lot.
I like looking at my house from the outside and wondering about what sort of person would live there.
When I get bored of staring at my house, I walk a couple of metres to the right and I stare at my neighbour’s house. Sometimes I take a video camera with me. Just in case something happens. Like if a fire broke out, or if a small passenger plane crashed into the roof. I would be there to get it on film
You can sell vision like that to television stations, and make a lot of money.
Nothing has happened yet.
I got quite excited once when I saw smoke coming out of the window of my neighbour’s kitchen.
Turned out it was just his toast burning.
I filmed it anyway, in case it escalated into something more serious.
I sent the tape to Australia’s Funniest Home Videos.
They sent it back with a note saying “Not funny enough.”
So I sent them back a note saying “Yeah, well I guess you had to be there.”

My neighbour is a crazy old bastard called CW Muttonchops. He doesn’t like me standing out the front of his house much. Lately he has taken to throwing potatoes at me from his front porch. Always potatoes.
I take them home with me and make them into chips. I’m getting a bit sick of eating chips now and I wish he would throw something else.
He hasn’t always throw things at me.
When I first moved into the area I went from door to door to introduce myself. CW Muttonchops was the only one who let me beyond the security door.
I asked him what he did for a living.
He told me “I’m a Nazi Hunter.”
A week later he accused me of being a Nazi War Criminal.
I said on what evidence?
He pointed to my Volkswagen Bug parked in my driveway. And he said the Nazi Empire was built on the production of Volkswagens.
I told him that was true… but I wasn’t there at the time.
He didn’t seem convinced.
The potato throwing started soon after.

Last week I was standing on the nature strip again.
I had previously found an old hair dryer in CW Muttonchops garbage bin.
I had the idea of standing on the nature strip and pointing the hair dryer like a speed camera at passing traffic.
Just to see what would happen.
Six out of ten cars slowed down dramatically. I thought I could really lower the accident rate on my street by doing this.
Yesterday while I was pointing the hair dryer at traffic a black BMW slowed down and then pulled up to the curb.
I was ready to make a run for it when a Buddhist monk stepped out from the back seat. He was wearing orange perfumed robes and a shaved head.
I relaxed when I saw the monk, but then I remembered that some monks know Kung Fu… so I was still a little on my guard.
He put his hand on my arm. His skin felt warm and tender.
He said to me “Are you seeking happiness or pleasure?”
I said “happiness.” I couldn’t remember what pleasure was like, but I remembered what it was like to be happy.
He smiled at this response and from beneath his robes he produced a glass jar full of scrabble letters.
He told me that whenever I wanted to be happy I was to think of a word that brought happiness to me and then I was to find the letters in this jar that spelt that word and then I was to place it somewhere in my house where I would see it often.
It was the nicest thing anyone has ever given me.
I’m sitting at my kitchen table right now, and I’m looking at the four plastic scrabble letters spread out before me.
They are H-O-M-E.

a reading in Castlemaine

Hey there folks. I'll be giving a reading this Sunday the 18th June in the picturesque surroundings of Castlemaine. The Poets Castle (The Albion Hotel - Wesley Hill) 3pm - 5pm. I believe it's a gold coin donation entry. If you're in the countryhood, please drop by and say hello!

glam

the last time they collided
she formed a rock band out of her fingers
and went on a grueling four hour tour across his body
coast to coast
and toes to nose
she drew stars on his chest with her eyeliner pen
and painted planets across his stomach with her lipgloss
by the time she left
all the stars and painted planets
had melted and morphed into comets
and for days afterwards he kept discovering
splinters of glitter
upon his lips

Death to Your Dreams Returns!

The show I performed last year with the mime set at the Melbourne Fringe Festival is being performed again on Saturday 8th April. Death to Your Dreams was my first attempt at collaborating with a band to put on a full length show and I was very proud of what we achieved. So I'm very pleased to get the opportunity to put it on again.
Death To Your Dreams explores the waking dream of love with spoken word, music and visuals.
The show is being presented as part of the Emerging Writer's Festival, a fantastic event spanning three days from April 7 - 9th.
We'll be performing on the Saturday night at the Spanish Club, 59-61 Johnston St, Fitzroy as part of an event called Scrabble - the best in wordplay. It's a fantastic lineup of artists which also includes Joelistics (TZU), Grand Salvo, Tom Keily - Australian Team Poetry Slam Champion, Little G, Ben Pobje, Justin Heazlewood plus the launch of Voiceworks #64 Outskirts!

one day

One day I’ll learn how to breathe underwater

and plunging to the bottom of the bay won’t be such a problem

and I’ll linger down there,

because it’s dark and simple,

just like me.

And I’ll shake the hands of murdered drug dealers with bad judgment and cement feet

and their water logged smiles will tell me that they know something I don’t,

that maybe being dead is funny

and then I’ll know

that if being dead is funny,

then being alive

must be fucking hilarious.

Performing live at Federation Square on ABC Radio

This Sunday morning, 26 March, from 11:30 to 12 I'll be performing live on ABC radio 774 in Federation Square on the Sunday Show hosted by Helen Razer. I'll be participating in a poetry slam head to head with Ben Pobjie. Ben has performed at Babble quite a few times and happens to be very good. The broadcast is part of the Commonwealth Games program and is the ABC's attempt at providing some alternative 'games' to the other games. If you're in the city Sunday morning look out for the mobile broadcast unit on the upper plaza level of Federation Square called the G-Spot. Or if you're still in bed at 11:30 on Sunday morning you can simply tune the clock radio to 774am and listen along from the comfort of your own bed. If you're not from Melbourne you can also stream it live on the internet at http://abc.net.au/melbourne

Lou Barlow at Northcote Social Club

pics by sean m whelan

Saw Lou Barlow perform at Northcote Social Club on Thursday night.
Lou has been something of a indie rock god to me ever since the release of Sebadoh's Bakesale in 1994. Bakesale is one of those albums that i return so fondly to over and over again. A time machine that doesn't bite back.
When Sebadoh toured Australia on the back of that album I was witness to what was not only one of the worst gigs I've ever seen, it was also one of the best.
Lou was acting strangely all night. He kept stopping songs halfway through and appeared to be arguing with the other band members. At one point he broke his guitar somehow and it eventually culminated with him walking off stage in a temper. The gig was over, the lights were up and the house music was turned on when suddenly Lou returned to the stage alone with guitar in hand. He then proceeded to apologise profusely for his antics and followed up by playing the most hearbreakingly beautiful acoustic set for the next hour and a half! All my favourite Sebadoh songs, it was truly stunning.
Funnily enough he mentioned this infamous gig on stage, he joked about turning on the radio the next day and hearing a Melbourne DJ talk about what a 'jerk' Lou Barlow is!
This was one of many warm and quite funny anecdotes during the evening, nice punctuation to a great set of mostly current material embellished by guitar loops and occasional use of an Eno'ish sounding synthesizer.
He didn't let me down too by breaking out a few Sebadoh songs including possibly my favourite, 'Skull'.

Trying to Write

Writing a poem about writing poetry,
Is like a snake trying to bite its own arse.
Oh.
I just ate my own arse.

Go! Team live at the Prince of Wales!

pics by sean m whelan

It doesn't get much better than this. The Go! Team played last Tuesday night at the Prince of Wales and they blew the roof off! When they came out to Australia for the first time last year and played at the Corner Hotel, I thought they were amazing but this time they were even better. Such incredible energy from the band and a devoted crowd made it a very special evening indeed. Gig of the year, so far!

aliciasometimes.dot.hellyeah

One of the most amazing poets in the universe, alicia sometimes, finally has her own website. Here she is pictured above rowing down the Yarra one gorgeous afternoon, with another one of Melbourne's finest Klare Lanson enjoying the ride. Notice the t-shirt? I think they're available to buy at the website. I wonder what that word is concealed beneath her hand? Does is start with F? Just go to the website already! And discover the wonderful world of the wonderful alicia sometimes.

www.aliciasometimes.com

MC Babble this Wed night!

Babble & Awakenings proudly present!
MC BABBLE
A night of spoken-word, a-cappella & beat box performance by hip-hop 
artists featuring Macromantics(Syd), Raceles (Curse Ov Dialect), Elf 
Tranzporter & Izzy(Combat Wombat) The Purple Duck, Julez & 
Ivens(Awakenings Crew), Litigate, Discourse, Pisces, Requiem and many 
more...  Live sets from: Ivens & Macromantics(Syd) plus DJ Bizzly 
Graddums...  
Wednesday 11th January
Bar Open, 317 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy.
$5 entry.
8:30 pm start.

This will be a fantastic show!

teardrops in the garden

Here's another view of the studio at Varuna through the garden.
After a heavy rain storm I came out to see big round drops of rain clinging to the leaf of a plant like tears on the cheeks of a silent film starlet.
The weather is so passionate in the Blue Mountains. From deep fog, to bursting rays of sunshine to lush tropical-like rain fall.

The Studio in the Garden

This is the studio in the garden of Varuna where I spent most of my time. It was set a little way from the house which suited me fine. My bedroom however was in the main house where I would try and quietly tiptoe into late at night when I was finished writing or watching Deadwood on my computer or I was done staring at my screen for the second straight hour. The strange thing about the studio was there was no blind in the window so late at night I would just be staring out into the darkness of the garden. They had a sensor security light installed on the house which would light up when approaching the main house. But sometimes in the middle of the night the light would go on for no good reason leading my fervent imagination to visions of intruders in the garden!

Varuna House

So here's Varuna, The Writer's House nestled in the hills of Katoomba in the Blue Mountains. It's an incredibly gorgeous place where I was lucky enough to spend three weeks in November working on my writing courtesy of a fellowship I applied for. The house used to belong to Australian writer Eleanor Dark (1901-1985) and was given as a gift for the use of Australian writers by her son Michael Dark in honour of his parents. It's like a monastery for writers where you are never disturbed and left completely alone to write as much as you can, or to think about writing as much as you like, I was to discover that it's all part of the process.

Tocumwal Dog

Tocumal continued...

all pics by sean m whelan

Tocumwal

The Murray River and the big, big sky of the border town of Tocumwal. Three and a half hours from Melbourne.

I'm back!

Yes, I'm back on the saddle of Blog. (That sounds strangely rude or kinky somehow.) Anybody who reads this blog regularly, or used to, has probably well and truly gotten sick of checking here for updates, but you know, that's life. I'm sure you managed to fill the gap with the two or three million other blogs out there.
In my defence a large part of my hiatus can be explained by the fact that for the first three weeks of November I was away from my computer and good internet access. I was in the heavenly Blue Mountains, or more precisely Katoomba at the writer's house Varuna. Varuna is a writer's retreat that used to belong to the Australian writer Eleanor Dark. I was lucky enough to receive a fellowship to work on my writing there for three weeks. For the first week I totally panicked and wondered how on earth I had got there in the first place. Then after a moment of illumination in the shower, things got a lot easier and I managed to have both a very productive and relaxing time. I drove all the way up which is a pretty long way from Melbourne but I do love a good road trip and took a few photos along the way, one of which is the painted cow above taken in Shepparton. Cows really do it for me, so I just had to stop and take this pic. More pics to come!